I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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