So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
