Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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