I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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