when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
