I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
