someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
