Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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