dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
