dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
