member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
