i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
