I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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