Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
