Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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