her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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