Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
