1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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