Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
