How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I touched a dick in church today
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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