I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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