Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
