She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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