It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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