And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
