she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
