why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i out mim tonsoeep
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
