Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
