a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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