I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
