Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
