you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
