how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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