apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
