If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
