So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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