Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
