Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
