He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
