i don't really know how much tequila is too much
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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