At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
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