Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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