Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
