It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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