New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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