oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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