so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
