come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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