You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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