all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
